Existence Epilogue

Wind cut across the exposed skin like the icy touch of a knife on her cheek, prompting the girl to wrap her scarf tighter around her neck, and push her long black hair into it too. Time for a haircut maybe, she almost fancied trying something new with her Christmas money, something short and sharp like her mother’s hair perhaps. Unless that would make her look like Ollie, she considered and frowned at her reflection in the nearest window. Sharp features, dark brows, a slim figure, not boyish, but not as endowed as a couple of others her age. Why should she care about that anyway, she was in a different league now than all the girls she had grown up with; the comparison with normal humans was futile.

Out of habit she glanced up as something flew overhead, taking in the sky, a sheer black mass almost devoid of starlight. It was all gone from here, technology had taken away the lights of the night, by making their own, the tall streetlamps with a garish orange glare, utterly lacking in beauty. She scraped her nails along one in passing. There was another thing to despise about them- their resemblance to trees. Artificial, ugly trees, but still not something she liked.

No, a wide open space, hilly and rolling and wild! That was better any day of the week, preferably warm and windy, and with high bluffs to nest on when her wings tired. And prey too, her stomach reminded her, sport good to hunt and chase.

Her boots changed direction at the driveway of a modest sized property, a familiar outline that felt like home. There was a repetition in her approach, this sense of déjà vu as though she had done this before. Step up the stair, left hand on the handle, turn, open, step into the hall, stamp boots to clear snow off.  Voice came through from the living room, humans, but she brushed them off and sat down on the stairs instead to pull the boots off, unravel the scarf, hang up the coat and turn down the corridor into a nice big room. A garage with a mess of blankets in the end, and she shed the rest of her clothes as she walked over to it.

She was on all fours, growing larger, wings sprouting, beak emerging, behind lengthening out into a supple tail. Her hind legs rose up to digitigrade tip toe stances on feline paws, and her hands spread and sharpened, covered in avian scales. Dark grey feathers and fur covered the gryphon by the time she reached the nest, though she only turned and paced back through the house into the living room.

She wasn’t sure why, this wasn’t familiar, the house wasn’t built with large bird-lion hybrids in mind, but somehow it just felt right. Even when she screamed in her head and willed herself to turn back, her muscles did their job, slinking through, gathering their strength, lunging…



Blood. Her black beak opened, releasing a feral, terrified screech and she squirmed, fighting at the nets and wrenching her claws free of the covers. Her wings flapped out, only to be suddenly constricted by the bounds and wrap around her again, their powerful muscles fighting against each other to only pull everything tighter and tighter. No, no no no, she had to fly, escape, get out of here, get away from the blood and the gore splattered over the front room, before he struck again, before her talons were driven through someone else’s ribcage. A startled squawk came as her feline hindquarters lashed out, only to flip the gryphon over and onto the hard stone floor with a dizzying thump.

It was enough to distract her from the panic, and she breathed in deeply, fighting for rationality. Or whatever rationality a gryphon hybrid could strive for, which was rather hard when tied up in half-shredded blankets. Yes, that was a good point, in the dream there were no blankets, it was a different month, and she’d had blood all over, but now her dark coat was prim and clean, if mussed up by the tumble.

She had to check though.

With a thought, the change began; aches and creaks made themselves known as her form shrunk smaller and smaller. Wings withered away, retracting and merging with the lightening hide over her back, and skin enveloped her beak, letting the hard keratin break and shrink into dwindling white teeth. The scarred scales of her forelegs softened, tan skin flowing together and the sharp black claws withered down to fingernails. A similar occurrence happened as her hind paws split into more distinct toes, revealing the gaps where the digits were missing. The heels grew closer, feet shortened while her legs stretched a little longer. All over her body the dark fur and feathers melted away, save from the lengthening black hair on her scalp. Last to depart was the muscular, aerodynamic shape of the gryphon’s body, slimming and curving into that of a teenage human girl, slender and black haired with missing digits. Like this the blankets were loose enough for her to slip free easily, and then hastily pull a nighty over her chilly skin.

Her bare feet padded along the stone floor silently until the door was pulled open and she wandered through the dark house, driven by the same fearful urge. It had to be a dream. It had to be.

Or else he wanted her to think it was a dream, a vision of things to come, and this time… that might be real. He was tricky, the Siren, tricky and powerful, no matter how many orange eyes she blotted out, there were always more beady yellow orbs watching her from trees, powerlines and fences, watching…

She stuffed a maimed knuckle into her jaw to stifle a sob as she spun on the stairs, keen eyes glistening as they searched. A bill, a feather, a pink leg, anything. The scars of her missing fingers seemed to itch in the silence of the night, the seconds stretching by into minutes of waiting and watching, her focus loose so that she could spring back as soon as he appeare-

“Karen, are you okay dear?”

She almost squealed in surprise, jolting around at the sound of her Mum’s voice, weary and concerned. She was just at the top of the stairs, a smallish woman with tussled black hair and sharp lined features. But alive, definitely alive and whole.

“Just me, Karen, don’t worry. Why are you up so late? Nervous about tomorrow?” She asked again.

“N-no, it’s fine…” her voice felt small and childish as she shivered, feeling tears trace their way down her cheeks, “I- I was just getting a snack.”

“Well then let’s have something together- that’s downstairs, remember?” The scepticism was blatant, but she placed a reassuring hand on her back to guide her down the stairs and into the kitchen. Even that set her a little more at ease, this new house’s kitchen was nice and spacious, with no island or table, but just counters and a bench around the outside.

A click came, followed by the rush of orange light, revealing everything in rich colour and detail, from the minute writing on the cereal boxes to the lines developing over her mother’s face as she scowled, “Oh… Karen, you know I don’t like it when you mix yourself up like that…”

“I need them to see, if I make human eyes then it feels all fuzzy and horrible,” she explained, blinking the round golden eyes that still looked like they belonged on a bird.

“You know I didn’t mean those, I don’t need eagle eyes to see you’ve still got a tail, young lady,” she pointed out even as black leonine appendage wrapped itself around Karen’s ankles in a feeble attempt to hide.

“Oh…sorry… just a little bleary Mum…” Karen murmured , “I’d be more careful for school and everything.”

“I certainly hope so young lady. Here, there’s some muesli,” she set a bowl of milk, flakes and nuts on the counter as Karen eased her way on the stool, careful not to sit on her tail. Tonight was bad enough without suffering that painful an experience. After a few moments passed in silence as her Mum pottered about, getting a cup of water and another bowl of muesli before she sat down beside her.

“Was it the nightmare again, Karen?”

The teenager tensed and swallowed a mouthful silently, trying to keep the tears back.

“I heard you wake up, Karen,” she continued, reaching over to stroke her shoulder softly, “You need to tell us when you have it dear, you can talk about it. No secrets, remember? Was this the first time this week, or did you have it earlie-“

“No! No, they were fine, they were normal!” Karen blurted, clenching her fists as the tears began to flow, “I… I thought they were gone and then… it was just like before, the same as always, wit-with the snow and walking and our old house and… and.. and the blood, it’s so real, it’s like I’m doing it and I can’t stop no matter how much I try to! It won’t go away, it just keeps coming back and it… it’s always the same, it’s always the same…”

Her words fell away to scrambled sobs, gasps for breath as she buried her head in her mother’s shoulder, arms wrapped tight around her and tail writhing. Her mother held her just as tightly, a hand stroking her black hair like when she was little and scared of the dark, or scared before school. She hadn’t had fears of slaughtering people back then, then her parents had been invincible protectors of her world, but now sometimes they felt like dolls compared to the power of a gryphon. It almost made her yearn for those days again, when she could be enveloped completely in their strong feeling arms.

“Don’t worry dear, we’ll still be around for a long time yet,” Mum whispered softly in her ear as the sobbing finally began to fade, “It was just a dream…”

“I- I know that… sorry…” Karen breathed back, “Just when I wake up, it feels… it feels real an- and I get scared… sorry, big gryphon scared of nightmares, how ridiculous is that?”

“Everyone gets scared dear, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. How do you feel about today?”

She frowned as a shiver of fear ran up her spine, “Do I have to go?”

“Yes, I want my children to be educated gryphons- you’ll do well Karen, you’re a clever girl when you focus.”

That was true, but not the issue in her mind at all, “They’ll all be normal though, ordinary humans… I miss the others- uh, I mean miss them being around Ranelk, not… not the boat or anything…”

It was already too late, she could see the hurt in her mother’s face even as she tried to hide it, as though she would have better left with her friends, and not had to come home to all this stuff that felt just as confusing as Kvenland. She had her parents back though, she reminded herself again and again, but there was still that sadness yearning for her peers- Al, Sara, Lorcan, Maddie and all the rest, all the way across the world.

“You can still make friends with normal people, all of them managed to keep it  secret and get on well in their towns, and you don’t even need to keep it a secret- and that’s not permission to get changed in PE.”

That brought a small smile despite her tears, “Aw, but there’s no way any of them could outrun me Mum, if we play tennis I could use my wings, or just catch the ball, and I’d be great at basketball…if I didn’t burst it…”

“Yes, have you thought any more about trimming your claws a littl-“

“They’re fine, they’re supposed to be sharp, or else I might lose my grip and fall off stuff,” Karen replied more seriously and turned her attention back to the bowl of cereal for a moment. It wasn’t a habit to eat at night like this, but she knew she could always put away far more than even both her parents combined, it would just be fuel to burn and fly. Ollie was the same despite being younger, or perhaps because of that; he could fill himself up at a meal and be trying to sneak snacks away not five minutes later.

“Anyway, just give it time Karen, it’s only October so there’s plenty of time to meet people you get along with. Today, or the next few days even, are just about getting into the swing of things, making sure you don’t change in school, seeing if you need something to help you read, all that sort of stuff. I remember when I first went to a new school I was so drained after each day that I just ended up napping until dinner afterwards,” Mum went on, “Though I can’t imagine you risking that with the amount you put away.”

She ignored the tease, it was true after all, her body took a lot of energy, “What’s the time?”

“It… is… just about half five, so if you want to go back to bed for a couple of hours I’ll make sure you’re up in time Karen, don’t worry.”

She frowned and shook her head, “Nah, is… is it okay if I go for a flight? Please Mum? Just to clear my head a bit?”

The lines on the woman’s face grew deeper as fear crept over her face, “I’m not sure that’s wise dear, it’s still very dark and cold and after that dream…”

“I’m fine now,” she faked a smile, “Please, I’m good in the dark, there’s nothing in the sky and this is better than trying to get back to sleep all over again.”

“And you’ll just sneak out anyway if I say no?” Mum scowled and rubbed her head, “Put your phone on and be back for eight- and this is just a one off, I’m not having you exhausted in school every day.”

The teenager grinned and hugged her tightly again, “I will! Thanks Mum, thanks a ton!”

“Quiet, let’s not wake them up- and don’t rip that nighty up young lady or it’s coming out of your allowance.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I change often enough Mum,” Karen whispered as she pattered off into the dark corridors again, the fear and trepidation gone in favour of excitement. Even almost tripping on the doorframe of her large room did nothing to dampen the moods, and she hurriedly shrugged off the nighty in favour of a heavy black coat that covered her down to the scarred shins, and a tight elastic armband with an iphone tied into it. She was in and back out to the hall almost as soon as her mother reached the bottom of the stairs and raised her eyebrows.

“Phone charged? Good, but we really need to get rid of that old coat dear.”

“I like it, it stays on when I fly. See you for breakfast!” She chirped back, clicking the front door open and then stepping out into the night. It was like meeting a wall of cold, and in a way her mother was right, the coat was shabby, patched and torn from her claws, not good for warmth so much as it was for covering herself. And sentimental value of course, the coat was the only thing she’d had with her over the winter when she ran away, believing the dream slaughter to be reality. It had been the only thing left of her home, her parents, or so she’d thought until Ollie had rung home and they had answered.

Her feet stopped once out of the range of what little light came from their home, and she hunkered down, releasing herself. Instantly it all reverted, so fast that the entire process took seconds to grow, wings burst out of her shoulder blades, dark feathers and fur cover her in a far much effective coat, and her bones adjusted. Her limbs and body thickened and smoothed, head grew the familiar predatory beak, while the coat was reduced to hanging over her back, only attached by a loop of cloth that stretched around her thick neck.

It felt nice though, despite the pain. Like waking up properly, though perhaps that was just the excitement talking, the eagerness of having no boundaries, no walls, no roofs, no blankets tangling her like a net. Unable to stand it any longer she raised her wings up, extending the massive scarred pinions to a vertical position, and hunkered down, her claws scraping at the earth in eagerness as her muscles tensed.

Then the gryphon pushed down with every muscle and the earth whooshed away into the darkness. Her initial leap took her nearly higher than the house, and she didn’t let the momentum escape as her wings beat and forced her frame up and up and up, legs curling up beneath her belly for aerodynamics. And grace, you couldn’t fly if it didn’t look nice.

She circled higher, grinning internally as she rushed through the sky and tilted, letting her keen eyes take in the house from above. It was different from the old one, lower and wider, white in daylight and without steps on the front door, and wide enough inside to let gryphons move easily. Nice and isolated too, sitting on its own amid fields and hedges and hills, fifteen minutes of walking from town so her and Ollie could laze around outside without any strange looks.

She had to admit, it was better than the house she’d grown up in, especially in the months when she’d gone home and they’d had the challenge of fitting two gryphons into the garage. Never mind all the stares and whispers the town had had, it would be a relief if she could avoid rumours for another few months. But, apparently that wasn’t how being a mystic worked, especially now.

Her wings tipped once she got high enough to ride the wind, the rush fading to quiet contentment as she flew towards the town. She wasn’t sure why she went that way, tracing the web of orange lights with squares of darkness among them. The school was one of them, some little dark box, she wasn’t sure which- she’d avoided flying over here during the day time to avoid panicking people, and at night it was too dark to tell one from the next. But still, it meant she could have a little fun without anyone noticing, as long as she kept it down.

Her wings snapped shut and she tilted downwards, plummeting beak first like some grey feathered missile. The lights and streets exploded in size and detail, revealing bricks, tiles, planks and windows, signs on the roads and blades of grass as the air rushed past her, faster than fast. At this speed she would break upon impact, bones shatter and skewer her from the inside, feathers go flying and blood spread out to coat the pavement with her life. That just made it exciting, set her heart beating faster as the ground drew nearer and nearer, far lower than Ollie would dare to go, before spreading her wings once more. They caught the wind instantly and slowed her near as suddenly as if she had hit a brick wall, bringing a surge of pain from the muscles in her shoulders. They’d hurt tomorrow night, but it was worth it as she whizzed along horizontally, skimming above the roofs and satellite dishes of the town before she rose again, up and up.

The sky was her playground, and she relished it in the darkness, spiralling backwards with her belly to sky then back around the right way, up and down, flipping and twirling and spinning freely. The air rushed all around her, her wings beat and stretched freely to force her here and there, oblivious to the world below as the town faded and she went over farms and hills, trees and fences, all hidden in the darkness. Humans and cars would never have been able to match her haphazard route or speed, even planes and other vehicles wouldn’t have her mobility, and she took pleasure in the freedom and power.

Times like this, the only thing missing was an audience, like Sara, Diana, John and Al, the other flyers she’d made friends with. Sure, Ollie flew with her sometimes, but he was her brother, her shadow even in the air so it wasn’t like that was something notable. With Al she had actually been teaching the red gryphon how to fly, getting him to jump higher and last longer every day- he had just been getting the hang of it when her parents came to retrieve her from Kvenland, and she couldn’t help but wonder how good he was now. Not as good as Sara, that was for certain, the tengu could dance upon breezes of her own devising, but then, Al was a hunter, all he’d care to do was swoop down and tear a deer or pig to bloody ruin. Still, it’d be fun to fly circles around him the next time she saw them, it was nice to show off to someone who really ought to have years on her.

What where they up to, she wondered, Lorcan, Al, the dragons and everyone. The days back then had been confused when the tree Collapsed, and every one of the nine planes of Kvenland had suddenly snapped together into one. One instant the tree had been swaying, and then the next there were pieces of so many different worlds merged together, all of the people on those layers suddenly clicking into place safely. Though the same couldn’t be said for whoever had been on the tree.

Then there had been fighting, and titanic monsters battling one another with flames and swords and they’d had to run and hide on the safer outlying hills. Up until they had left, but Lorcan had sent e-mails talking about the Portals that had opened.

Opened to Eldrus, as Lorcan had called the Other Place in his emails. It sounded good too, utterly wild and empty, with cliffs and towering trees that made Yggdrasil look like a sapling, apparently all the flyers were flourishing and exploring that alien world. Apparently plenty of class 3’s with little interest in civilization had just wandered off into the wilds of that place, where they could keep on moving without ever worrying about meeting human towns, including a few of the dragon hatchlings she had known. Not that that was a surprise, Hex and Nessie and Shen would probably love that place, exploring and hunting for days and months.

It sounded like a mage’s heaven too, though her knowledge of magic was fairly small, and the teenager had elaborated in big sentences that were a pain to read. As far as she could gather, there was more natural magic there which made spells easier for him, and both him and Diana were being trained by other more powerful mages. Sara, Miranda and that had found things to do to help out, and the younger ones were being cared for in what sounded like the most chaotic collection of children imaginable.

Her wings drooped and she forced herself to flap and rise again, checking backwards for a second to barely make out the distant lights of the town, now miles and miles behind. She could keep going, it was tempting after all, to keep flying on and on towards the distant young sunrise. Eventually she’d reach Kvenland if she kept going forever, and get to see them all again. That’d be so much better than school and mockery, that was somewhere where she would fit in, where they could play with veil and chat around a campfire, and chase through the air for no good reason.

Except her parents were here. Parent’s who’d trekked across the world to find them and help them, who’d been broken hearted when they vanished, who’d moved their entire lives just to adapt and cater for two bestial children.

Her wings tilted and she wheeled around, turning her back on the dawn solemnly. One day, she promised silently, one day I’ll come see you all.